Good morning. (I don't particularly feel like P Diddy)
Here's something I've noticed about myself, especially in the past few weeks what with school restarted; every night, as I'm trying to fall asleep (you know, the time where you flirt with the line between alert consciousness and peaceful slumber) - mind still active, and still under my own control - I plan out things I want to change about myself the next morning when I wake up.
When I'm sleeping, I decide to myself I'll wake up at 7 or 8am every weekday (weekends won't count) and go downstairs to my basement and do an hour on the bike/treadmill my family has and uses more as ornaments than machines. I have yet to start that.
I delegate times in my mind where I'd catch up with some readings I've fallen behind with, and plan schedules for my future weeks, deciding what time I'll read what textbook. I even usually decide to buy a whiteboard calendar to hang in my room, so I can copy out every single reading for every single class, and wipe them off as I go along with completion; some sort of motivation. I'm still behind.
I pretend to live out future scenarios - who doesn't - where I say all the right things at all the right times to the right person (people?), and they magically say the things I want to hear. Come afternoon, evening, wherever on the next day, it's still the same formulaic greet, laugh, See ya!
Sometimes, I decide to myself in the comfort of my blanket that I can change absolutely everything about my life the following day, and that it only takes one step at a time. Each morning when I wake up, and I do nothing about what I planned - is it a subconscious affirmation that I'm actually okay with myself, and that all the things I've decided would better myself are actually immaterial, and I can survive one more day without because I've done so thus far? Or rather, is it some sort of subconscious procrastination?
If anything, here's a step in the right direction: I planned this blog post as I was trying to fall asleep last night. Positive action, yeah?