Monday, September 6, 2010

Last man standing

Given the fact that school starts tomorrow, it's all I've been able to think about for the past.. well, week.  All these thoughts and emotions have increased and amplified today, Labour Day, Monday, my last day before switching into absolute overdrive.  I've already gone through the whole hard work worries, and yeah, that's still very much a huge stresser in my mind, but there's obviously much more than that, the biggest of which has made itself clear in the last few days.

This year, I'm still living at home, and this year, I'm completely alone here, left in Burlington and doomed to the forward and backward movements of the GO train.

I feel like I've truly been deprived, not living in residence for my first year.  I know I've missed something major in my life, living on my own with other people who would've undoubtedly become good friends; I never did the whole "I'll stick with you" during orientation; I was always the one last year who would say, No, I'm not coming to (tonight, whatever), I need to catch the train in twenty minutes.  I wish I could say I don't know why I didn't live on res first year, but I know exactly why: for some stupid reason, my dad was completely opposed to the idea of me moving away.  Whenever I'd even bring up the thought, he'd either shoot it down with a "Period." or, if we were with other people, he'd make a point to lecture me on how "stupid the idea is," knowing he'd get the support of the adults around.  I'd then be pulled aside and looked down upon by everyone else saying, "You know, your dad's right."

I do get it, a bit: yes, my campus is a half hour away from where I live now (twenty minutes if the driver is me.. speed's my middle name), and yes, the cost did seem a little high.  But my mom, my dad's devil's advocate, argued the same as I did: it's pretty much a life experience, moving out and doing the whole first year thing with friends.

I'm not irked now by my dad's decision.  I made due with my status as a commuter, and to be honest, the trains didn't effect me much after the first week.  I liked the down time (time devoted to reading this year.. guarantee), but I didn't like coming home completely spent and therefore too tired to do schoolwork, hence my horrid first year.

This year, though, my parents chose ignorance.  A plan to get a house fell through, and things happen, so so be it.  I toyed with the idea of maybe applying for residence second year, but I know that the school's stupid point system would cut me off (the point system regulating who gets back in is heavily catered toward those who already lived in residence, and the weight of my GPA wouldn't get me in alone).  My parents would always say, "We'll look into houses later," and later became never.

The only reason I'm again in the dumps about living at home for second year is that I'm truly alone this year.  I've already driven through the city looking down streets and reminding myself, (So-and-so; no need for names, you know) is already gone.  I get to once again take a seat back and watch my friends - even just people I know, boasting on facebook about moving in or already meeting new people or reconnecting with older ones - go through the whole settling in process, returning to their "other lives" (and I say that without spite).  I'm finding it a bit hard to digest, knowing I'm alone, that I'm the guy who's sitting around at home still.  It's tough.  I'll deal.

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