Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The devil

This set of stairs in my house is the devil.

Satan's Staircase has caused multiple injuries throughout the years.  My aunt notably fell down the entire set; various extended family members have missed a few steps; and a few years ago my mom tripped on the sixth step from the bottom while going down, causing her to crash down and break her foot.  My sister and I have even taken minor spills.

Just three weeks ago I broke my knee on the devil (as some may be aware of).  Thankfully it's seeming to heal, but I have my good and bad days.  For the most part, I'm okay.

That is, until last night: when I fell at the EXACT SAME SPOT in the EXACT SAME WAY (my foot was flat on the cursed step and then slipped out from under me) with my bum leg - in some flash of desperation I turned mid-fall so my whole left side took the blow rather than landing on my broken knee.  I felt a little bit winded but I'll take anything if it means keeping my knee away from receiving the brunt of a fall.

I'm calling an exorcist.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


There is exactly one week left until X-Men: First Class comes to theaters.  In other terms, a very Matt-specific rapture is occurring on June 3rd, 2011: this movie is, pretty much, the second coming of Christ to me.  I'll be in my seat in the theaters and then suddenly I will literally float up to the screen.  Probably at the sight of this woman:

I am, really, one of the biggest X-Men fans on the face of the earth.  While I like most superheroes (except for Superman), there's just something about X-Men that has always set it apart for me from everything else.  Maybe it's the team dynamic or the diversity in the grandeur - there's not just one guy with superstrength; instead there's psychics and shapeshifters and masters of magnetism and a blonde woman who can read your thoughts and turn into diamonds oh god.  Naturally, following the absolute disappointments that were X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (I hate Wolverine and the movie did nothing aside from shit all over the franchise), I was desperate for anything.  Imagine my excitement at the announcement of a prequel / reboot, a la Batman Begins.  I've been waiting for this movie ever since I heard about it first being in development over a year ago.  I pretty much died every single time a casting announcement was given (James McAvoy!  Michael Fassbender!  Kevin Bacon is the villain, what?  January Jones!  ...oh my god January Jones is Emma Frost).  With every bit of new footage in the new trailers my heart started beating like crazy.

And then the commercials started showing up on television.  I immediately shushed my family and watched even though I seem to have only seen the same one over and over again.  With a week left until the movie comes out, the reviews have begun flooding in, and I'm overjoyed to hear that the reception is fantastic, and that it is, allegedly, on par with The Dark Knight (which I, too, consider to be the greatest comic book movie ever made).  With the reviews came spoilers.

I actually know nothing of the plot.  Okay, that's a lie: I know it's the origin of the friendship (and that relationship's subsequent demise) between Xavier and Magneto; I know they create the first group of X-Men; I know they somehow have a falling out.  Aside from that: I know nothing.  The creators have changed the "first class" completely - instead of it being Cyclops and Jean Grey among others, it's now Banshee and Havok and Beast and Mystique, an integral villain in the original trilogy.  They've put the action of the plot in the middle of the Cuban Missile Crisis.  There's the Hellfire Club as villains, too.  I don't know how it all comes together, and that's exciting to me.

I started reading spoiler after spoiler.  I know that one of the characters dies - I'm not heartbroken, I could tell by their relative unknown status and lack of appearance in the released footage.  I read about a massive cameo.. and then another.. and then a third.  I literally threw my computer when I started to read about how Xavier gets crippled (okay we all know it happens) as an act of desperate willpower.  It's so damn hard to avoid spoilers!  I've ruined movies in the past by reading absolutely everything about it thereby ruining the wonderment of finally seeing it in the theaters.

I have, therefore, taken a vow to avoid everything with any connection to X-Men: First Class until I am sitting in a theater Friday night (or Thursday at midnight, if my city provides the show).  I've limited myself to watch only one promo clip aside from the trailers - naturally, the scene with Emma Frost at the window as pictured.

My vow hasn't gone on without a hitch just yet.  I just saw a commercial which, I think, ruined the "money shot" of the movie.  If you've seen anything and can recognize it when I say "missiles" - well, it showed the missiles shot I'm familiar with from the trailer, and then some.  Damnit, FOX!

Just bring on June 3rd.  I'm literally dying.

UPDATE: In the words of Ke$ha, I blow-ooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooooh.  NOOOO!  So naturally I completely disregarded my vow the moment I woke up and I am now reeling from the punishment of knowing 1. how Xavier gets crippled, 2. what happens to some of the villains, and 3. that one of the characters is mind-wiped in the end.  I repeat: NOOOOOOOOOOO!  I get what I deserve.  I have, therefore, deleted every X-Men related website from my browser.  Maybe in knowing I'll have to type the entire address out will be a deterrent.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Dance with your hands above your head like Jesus said

(quick note: hello to everyone / the little monsters who have googled the lyrics to Lady Gaga's Bloody Mary [there's been a huge influx of the lyric as a search term directing here].  No such luck here, just a title.  Great song though!  My fav, actually)

What is this rapture business?  Apparently the world is coming to an end at 6:00pm today.  Wait: in what time-zone?

I thought I'd be a lot more terrified about an impending apocalypse.  The idea of natural disasters frightens me to no end and after the movie 2012 I've only come to expect that the end of the world will be due to hurricanes, explosions, and John Cusack's poor acting.   To be honest the idea of 2012 makes me uncomfortable, though not entirely because I believe it (much like I don't believe the shit I'm hearing about my demise coming in just eight hours.. that is, if the rapture is happening in Eastern Standard Time) - instead I'm afraid of the massive amount of hysteria on the day before (I guess that makes is December 20th, 2012), what with believers going psychotic amongst other scary acts of panic.  I don't feel any of that fear about today: all I can think to myself is bogus, bogus, bogus.

Ah well.   If it is, it is.   Luckily I'll be dying having heard Born This Way.  Too bad I'll be missing X-Men: First Class and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II..

I'll be spending my day listening to Judas on repeat until I burst into flames.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Teenage dream

As of today, I'm 20.

The question of the day already has been: "how does it feel being 20?"  Well, it feels like being 19.  I'm listening to the exact same music I was yesterday.  I am wearing the same clothes I've worn before.  Nothing's different; this birthday, I don't even get the perks of "unlocking" a milestone in life (16 with driving, 18 with gambling, 19 with drinking.. legally).  I can't even say that I'm more mature because I'm not more mature since last night - I'm still making the same jokes in text messages and the same ugly faces at my sister around corners who is always giving them back, but only uglier.

It's weird to think of being 20 as a farewell to my teenage years.  I'll never again have a 1 before my age, unless - and knock on wood - I live until I'm 100.  It's also very strange to think that I'm half way to 40; that by my next decade birthday, I might be married (I hope to be married before I'm 30, yeah).

I like the fact that I've escaped the teenager stereotype - that is, "older" people looking down on my generation as delinquents.  I've never appreciated that; yeah, there are dirtbags everywhere, but I always hated that I was lumped together with people with no lives when in reality I'm respectful and knowledgeable.  Well, society: I'm 20.  I'm officially an adult.

As for celebration: nothing today.  (that's the other million dollar question: "what are your plans?"  My plans are sitting in the same spot on the couch in my sweatpants listening to the Born This Way album on repeat)

My parents are taking me out for dinner; restaurant of my choice.  I have yet to decide if I still love them, though, because I got a nice "Happy birthday, Matt, we don't have a gift for you because we don't know how to buy for you."  I'd be burned but I've faced that issue all my life, and while it really does piss me off that people close to me can't come up with something, I'm unfortunately used to it.  From my parents I will accept nothing less than a yacht.

In respect to the "party," well, that occurred last Saturday, and I had the time of my life (dirty bit).  My best friends all gathered together in a basement in snazzy clothing and as the number of beers consumed sharply inclined I was given the absolutely jaw dropping gift of a bottle of absinthe.  We all decided to try it. One thing led to another and then all of a sudden I was then escorted / ejected / asked to leave because of being so sexy from the establishment where we found ourselves.  I am shamed, but I guess there's no other way to party hard on your birthday than getting thrown out of the most classless bar in the city to begin with.  Another friend of mine got me a Lady Gaga DVD, a stuffed "animal" of Gonorrhea, and a flask - right? - with my initials engraved on it.  (I am not an alcoholic)

All in all, my birthday thus far has been pretty rad.  I won't lie when I say I love getting message after message on Facebook or coming in on my blackberry.  I like the feeling of being "loved aloud" - that is, I know people like me, I know my best friends love me, but I like that today I get to hear it out loud rather than what's assumed and commonplace.

We'll see what being 20 brings me.

Friday, May 13, 2011


I broke my goddamn kneecap.

Wednesday night I was moving up the stairs in my house.  My right foot went down on the step, but as I moved to motion for the next step, my right foot slipped out from under me, and I went straight down on my right knee, connecting hard and directly with the edge of the step.  It made quite the noise (I think it was mostly the stairs), and the pain was immediate and immense.

To my absolute joy, I was informed that I have a minor fracture by the doctor at the walk-in clinic (which I joyfully spent three hours at yesterday morning).  I'm now nursing a limp and a bulky brace on my knee.

Thankfully, though, it's been feeling a lot better today.  I can stand on it, I can transfer weight onto it, I can use the stairs (though slowly), and today I was on my feet outside with friends for a little while and the only negative result from that was my leg getting ridiculously sweaty with the brace on.

This would happen the day after I legitimately go to the gym, and only days before my birthday.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

You are my sunshine

A Happy Mother's Day to my mom.  I love you momma!

It's sad that this is literally the best picture I have of me and my mom in the same frame: her eyes are half closed and me, that's when I was forbidden to cut my hair for the school play AND I thought it was a good idea to dye it black.  Three years ago I was a damn fool.  Oh, and my dad and sister are both the Joker.  Oh, and the little girl from the Royal Wedding was there, too.

(a PS: my mom always used to sing You Are My Sunshine to me when I was a kid)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


It's May!  You know what that means?  Gaga's ass!  (to which my mother shrieked "TAKE THAT DOWN!" and my best response was "MOM SHE WAS BORN THAT WAY" and I think it did the trick because I'm still going to bed every night beside that ass)

In all seriousness, now that it's May, I've made a number of "revelations" about my life.  (revelations is a steep word, but you get the idea) Taking heed of the new month as a springboard to my hopeful changes for the summer, I've decided that this month I'll start making a difference in my own life, whether it be returning to old habits or starting new ones.

The biggest change happening in May - and the only one independent of choice - is the fact that I'm turning 20.  I'll be halfway to 40!  I really doubt turning 20 will bring about any staggering maturity or difference in my life, but who knows what no longer being a teenager will bring me.  Stay tuned.

In a physical aspect: I'm joining a gym.  Lolwut?  IKR! gtfolmao

But, it's true.  By the looks of it I'll be signing up with a friend which is perfect because it's the type of motivation I actually need to keep up with it.  It's been something I've been meaning to do for a while (the classic excuse), and now that it's coming to fruition I'm eager and nervous.  Aside from that I dug up my old failed Lent home workout routine, except this time I'm not using my treadmill but rather the ancient stationary bike we have.  I've always loathed running so I'm sure that's what killed my attempt earlier this year; at least this way I know I have enough endurance to do it, and plus, it doesn't hurt that when I'm sitting on the bike I play Brickbreaker or Pokemon on my Blackberry.  Passes the time, I say!

In a creative aspect: I've decided to get back to something I enjoy greatly: that is, having a creative process.  Much like summers past, I've decided again to write a full-fledged story, but already I've noticed that whenever I've had the writing itch I produce nothing.  (when I say the "writing itch" I mean that sometimes I'm just sitting around and I'm nearly exploding with the want to just write, so I relocate to somewhere solitary in my house with a blank word document and then just stare at it until I go get something to eat and forget about the itch altogether)

Another related feat I've thought about attempting is to write a screenplay given that it's in my blood to become a director; I have nothing to show for it yet, though.  A screenplay seems almost fifty times as hard as writing just a story, but it's something I want to learn and at least try.

Finally - and I'm sure I'd end up doing this anyways even if I didn't affirm it here - I'll return to painting this summer.  Much like my writing conundrum, it takes quite a while before I progress past staring at a blank slate before me, but I've at least yielded success in the past and I'm sure I'll be successful again.

In a blogger aspect - and I'm sure you may or may not have realized by now: I've redesigned my blog.  Nothing astounding, nothing groundbreaking, but I grew tired of looking at the old and drab.  (not that this is any more colourful)  Hopefully it's sexier.

Who knows.  Maybe at the end of the summer I'll be some ripped Quentin Tarantino with painted masterpieces even da Vinci would give a thumbs up to.

Monday, May 2, 2011

The tribe has spoken

Today marks the first time that I'll be old enough to vote in a federal election.  It's a strange feeling, but it mostly makes me feel like an elderly person, and it doesn't help that I'll be half way to forty in sixteen days.

I don't have much to say about the election; my purpose is not to open up some sort of politics argument with myself.  I've made my mind up as to who I'll be voting for.  I, for the most part, agree with that party's platform, and I feel comfortable with my decision.

I've learned two valuable things about my right to vote.  The first is, never feel insignificant.  For a fraction of a second, I doubted myself, thinking to myself that my one vote won't change anything.  While, in truth, that will probably be the case unless there's a tie and government officials come to my home and say Matt, we need you to cast the deciding vote, the biggest thing I kept in mind is that to be able to vote is a responsibility entrusted on me and a privilege to remind myself that I live under a democracy where the people's opinion matters.  (mostly)

The second: I was advised not to vote personally.  Honestly, I don't care for any of the candidates for Prime Minister; they all creep me out in varying degrees.  Even still, I'm not casting my vote on behalf of who I hate least - in fact, I strongly dislike the person I will be voting for.  I've been taught to separate person from party in efforts for a better government.

But then again, I'll do what I do best when I become a hypocrite when I say there's just no way I'm voting for Stephen Harper.