Spoilerama

There is exactly one week left until X-Men: First Class comes to theaters.  In other terms, a very Matt-specific rapture is occurring on June 3rd, 2011: this movie is, pretty much, the second coming of Christ to me.  I'll be in my seat in the theaters and then suddenly I will literally float up to the screen.  Probably at the sight of this woman:

I am, really, one of the biggest X-Men fans on the face of the earth.  While I like most superheroes (except for Superman), there's just something about X-Men that has always set it apart for me from everything else.  Maybe it's the team dynamic or the diversity in the grandeur - there's not just one guy with superstrength; instead there's psychics and shapeshifters and masters of magnetism and a blonde woman who can read your thoughts and turn into diamonds oh god.  Naturally, following the absolute disappointments that were X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (I hate Wolverine and the movie did nothing aside from shit all over the franchise), I was desperate for anything.  Imagine my excitement at the announcement of a prequel / reboot, a la Batman Begins.  I've been waiting for this movie ever since I heard about it first being in development over a year ago.  I pretty much died every single time a casting announcement was given (James McAvoy!  Michael Fassbender!  Kevin Bacon is the villain, what?  January Jones!  ...oh my god January Jones is Emma Frost).  With every bit of new footage in the new trailers my heart started beating like crazy.

And then the commercials started showing up on television.  I immediately shushed my family and watched even though I seem to have only seen the same one over and over again.  With a week left until the movie comes out, the reviews have begun flooding in, and I'm overjoyed to hear that the reception is fantastic, and that it is, allegedly, on par with The Dark Knight (which I, too, consider to be the greatest comic book movie ever made).  With the reviews came spoilers.

I actually know nothing of the plot.  Okay, that's a lie: I know it's the origin of the friendship (and that relationship's subsequent demise) between Xavier and Magneto; I know they create the first group of X-Men; I know they somehow have a falling out.  Aside from that: I know nothing.  The creators have changed the "first class" completely - instead of it being Cyclops and Jean Grey among others, it's now Banshee and Havok and Beast and Mystique, an integral villain in the original trilogy.  They've put the action of the plot in the middle of the Cuban Missile Crisis.  There's the Hellfire Club as villains, too.  I don't know how it all comes together, and that's exciting to me.

I started reading spoiler after spoiler.  I know that one of the characters dies - I'm not heartbroken, I could tell by their relative unknown status and lack of appearance in the released footage.  I read about a massive cameo.. and then another.. and then a third.  I literally threw my computer when I started to read about how Xavier gets crippled (okay we all know it happens) as an act of desperate willpower.  It's so damn hard to avoid spoilers!  I've ruined movies in the past by reading absolutely everything about it thereby ruining the wonderment of finally seeing it in the theaters.

I have, therefore, taken a vow to avoid everything with any connection to X-Men: First Class until I am sitting in a theater Friday night (or Thursday at midnight, if my city provides the show).  I've limited myself to watch only one promo clip aside from the trailers - naturally, the scene with Emma Frost at the window as pictured.

My vow hasn't gone on without a hitch just yet.  I just saw a commercial which, I think, ruined the "money shot" of the movie.  If you've seen anything and can recognize it when I say "missiles" - well, it showed the missiles shot I'm familiar with from the trailer, and then some.  Damnit, FOX!

Just bring on June 3rd.  I'm literally dying.


UPDATE: In the words of Ke$ha, I blow-ooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooooh.  NOOOO!  So naturally I completely disregarded my vow the moment I woke up and I am now reeling from the punishment of knowing 1. how Xavier gets crippled, 2. what happens to some of the villains, and 3. that one of the characters is mind-wiped in the end.  I repeat: NOOOOOOOOOOO!  I get what I deserve.  I have, therefore, deleted every X-Men related website from my browser.  Maybe in knowing I'll have to type the entire address out will be a deterrent.