Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Steph & Matt Throwdown Extravaganza

Before I begin: I'd be remiss if I didn't mention my (our) inspiration for this feature.  The idea was inspired by a feature entitled "Dannah Monthly," featured on a fantastically hilarious blog known as Red Means Go.  You can read it here.  You'll notice that ours is a little less.. explicit. ;)

And so, I introduce to you, my wonderful readers, a brand new feature I like to call "The Steph & Matt Throwdown Extravaganza" (or, if you read it on Steph's blog, which you can find here, it'll be entitled Matt vs. Steph).

Here's the gist of it.  My good friend and fellow blogger Steph and I have decided to collaborate on a bi-weekly (we hope) feature that each of us will host on our respective blogs.  The concept is simple: we each select two topics - one "serious" and one "not-so-serious" - blog about them as if we would normally, then swap and comment on each other's.  It's pretty much a dialogue, or an open debate (even though we're only connected when writing by the internet and good old MSN), or, at what I'm sure will inevitably happen, a brawl.  While I can't guarantee it'll be short and sweet - since we're both very stubborn and both brimming with absolute intelligence, charm, and wit - I CAN guarantee it'll be entertaining.

My writing will appear in blue, and Steph's will appear in lavender.

Without further ado...

This week's topics include: a discussion on love and "soulmates," celebrities who should just step down, obesity, and our reactions to the Born This Way video.  It promises to be smashing.


I’ve never been in a romantic relationship (let alone a serious one).  I tend to think, though, that I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.  Given that, the concept of “soulmates” or “the one” or “that one true love” is a little bit hazy to me.

Do I believe in love at first sight?  Ehh.. not exactly.  Love’s a strong word; I’d be more inclined to believe in like at first sight, or extreme infatuation at first sight, or I-want-to-get-in-your-pants-right-now at.. first sight.  That being said, I’m a bit iffy with the whole concept of saying someone is your soulmate.  I think it’s just a label that sickeningly over-romantic people in relationships give to their significant other to reaffirm themselves of their love.  I’d bet that couples who were absolutely convinced that they were soulmates met untimely ends.  I’d say, then, that the only people deserving of saying that they’ve found their soulmate are those who have been together for the majority of their lives.  Yes: I would say that a couple, married fifty years and still in love, are soulmates.  No: your soulmate is not the deadbeat who happened to get you pregnant when you were sixteen.

As for “the one,” I wouldn’t exactly say that there’s only one person meant for you.  “The one” for me could very well be an entire world apart, miles and countries away, but due to my certain destiny I’ll never meet her.  That’s just the way life works.  I think, then, it’s a matter of falling for the best suitable companion.  Oh, who am I kidding.  We all know the moment I’m in a real relationship I’ll gush that “she’s the one!”  It’s in my DNA.

You know Matt, I think I would actually be in 99% agreement with you on this topic. Being the naive virgin I am, I have no idea what “love” really is, nor do I really understand the full magnitude of what a relationship holds. I believe that it takes time for one to truly love another, and in order for that to happen, the concept of “love at first sight” would have to be null. I think the idea of sexual desire and (as I always put) “I got the tinglies" is far more common, especially because it’s no longer considered a “taboo.” Yeah, there have been times that I’ve wanted to jump the hot guy who walks in front of me, would I say that he was my soulmate? No. I barely know him. 

I think the word “love” gets tossed around too lightly nowadays. It’s more common for someone to say “I love you” than it is for them to say “We’re still getting to know each other.” Soulmates? I think it takes time and patience (and by time, I mean years, not days) to truly realize that this person is the one for you. 

In regards to there being only “one” person for you, this is the 1% of the disagreement. I say 1% mainly because I’m not too sure on the idea myself. Considering the population of earth and the countless possibilities there are of one of those people being your ‘mate,’ I would have to say that it seems highly unlikely there in this entire earth, there is only one person for you. Maybe there is only one person for you in a given geographical region, but not in the entire world.


In regards to artists that need to give it up, here is my list of them:

Madonna: She was amazing in her time, she was revolutionary and record breaking, but now at 50, it’s time for her to gracefully bow out. I’m kinda hoping that the thought of her would slowly fade out and allow for newer artists to come in and try to claim the title of “this generation’s pop queen”. And by “fade out” I mean: “stop comparing everyone else to her.” She was great in her time and now her time is over. Seriously, there is no way someone is going to come around being 100% unique, because they have to draw their inspiration from somewhere. The ‘idea’ of Madonna, GTFO. 

Madonna, and “rip-offs?”  See my post entitled “the Gaga Effect.” ;)

Jennifer Lopez: Oh Jenny from the block. I will admit your new song is pretty catchy, but still. You’re a mommy now and I think that at 41, it’s time for you to just settle down with your husband and millionaire lifestyle. I will admit you look great for a 41 year old, though... Now GTFO.

Christina Aguleria: Fuck off and die. Seriously, I’m so glad you got locked up for public drunkenness. No one likes you, you’re a whore, your baby is ugly and you over-do your vocals waaaay too much. You know your career is over when you mess up the lyrics to your own national anthem. GTFO BITCH. 

Christina Aguilera needs to disappear.  Her string of bad luck recently should be a signal to her that she should just bow out: she’s fucked up the American national anthem, fell down at the Grammys, and then was arrested for public drunkenness in what, the span of a month?  Not so good.  Do I feel bad for her?  Sure, as a human being, I feel a little bit bad for her... but I’d love to not hear about her again.  I’m still not over your ripping off of a certain someone, Xtina.  I’m not myself tonight... wonder who you were.

Britney Spears: I was hoping she’d fade out by now; she just needs to go away. She doesn’t really 
sing, she can’t dance... she pretty much has no talent. GTFO

Uh oh.  Steph, you best be steppin off.  Britney Spears is a goddess, and she’s here to stay.  I understand that she really isn’t a vocal talent, and in that respect, I don’t appreciate her as a performer.  Here’s what I mean: a performer should take to the stage, dance their ass off, and sing with vocals better than their studio recordings.  Take Lady Gaga: she is a performer.  Britney Spears, on the other hand, is not a performer; she is a RECORDING ARTIST.  Even still, I enjoy her.

Katy Perry is useless.  I’d like it if she just stopped.

Time to switch gears from the entertainment industry to everyday life; obesity is an epidemic that’s been affecting more and more people as time goes on. This happens mainly because of the easy access to fast foods, making it more convenient to get a hold of a burger than getting veggies. Personally, I do kind of agree with Ricky Gervais, the fact that obesity is a bit of a choice. I mean, if you realize that you’re not at a healthy weight, then of course you should do something about it, not sit there and eat more and more food. I mean, I’m not exactly the skinniest girl in the world, but I work out, I try to eat right and I watch my weight. I think everyone should take that mentality when it comes to weight-watching and healthy living. 

Yet at the same time, we have average girls going insane because they aren’t skinny. It’s not fair that there is an “ideal” look that is deemed “attractive.” Personally, I’m not a fan of skinny people. I think the sight of bones sticking out is not attractive, nor do I think resembling a twig is sexually desirable. I like a little meat on my man’s bones. In no way am I saying obese people are attractive, but it’s important to have some sort of healthy look to you. 

I think that obese people should be forced to go into some sort of program that will help them lower their weight and become healthier. Either that, or be given the option of being forced to eat healthy food and nothing else. But... at the same time, there shouldn’t be a McDonalds on every street corner; you’re just encouraging people to be fat. Reduce the amount of fast food and increase the amount of healthy food advertisement.

I completely agree that obesity is partially a choice.  If someone truly had a problem with eating, it’s up to them to put a stop to it or to do something about it; the right thing to do ISN’T to fuel it further.  I therefore don’t feel sympathy for people pushing 500 pounds – there’s only so far that being over-weight is a problem before it’s just the person sitting idly by.  That being said, I’m not shaking my finger at those who actually have a bit of a problem with their weight: it’s only natural that some people are over the weight they should be, but as I previous stated, if you’re pushing 500, that’s just because you let yourself push 500.  I too am not exactly the most fit or skinny human on the planet, but just because I’m aware of that, I don’t sit around eating constantly, telling myself that I’m in some sort of vortex of hopelessness.

I’ve never sat comfortable with the media portrayals of the perfect body image.  Not that female body image impacts me: but even I am impacted by the “perfect way” a male body should look, by THE attractive alpha-male that somehow every girl is gaga for.  Personally, as a male, I don’t find extreme skinniness to be attractive; it’s inhuman.  I would like it very much if your ribs did not stab me, thank you very much.  I would also like it if you didn’t look like a corpse.

I wish that the overall push for health was a more universal and accessible one.  I agree; McDonalds on every corner does not help the problem.  As a person at times unhappy with their weight, it only comes down to you, and nothing else.  You need to get up from the couch, you alone, and YOU need to run on that treadmill.  I feel like that self-assertion is next to impossible, though, as people are bogged down by the easy fast food down the street from them, or the cookies calling at them from the cupboard.  Broccoli is good, y’all.  Eat some.

I feel like it’d be an absolute injustice if I never gave my thoughts on Lady Gaga’s new video for Born This Way.  Do I like it?  Yes.  Do I love it?

The postivies: her body is rocking (I’m glad she isn’t looking as thin as she was, when she looked borderline ill).  The video is very well performed.  The production value, I can’t even believe: the video looks extremely expensive, visually flawless.  The science fiction opening: AMAZING.  I couldn’t believe my senses as a queen-like Gaga began her Manifesto of Mother Monster; incredibly well written, visually gorgeous, and set to the opening music of Hitchcock’s Vertigo, the opening in itself is nothing short of iconic.  My favourite part, though, is “Zombie Gaga,” as she playfully and cartoonishly rocks out in skeletal makeup alongside the stoic Rick Genest (he kinda gives me the heebies).

Is the rest of the video as iconic, as, say, Bad Romance?  No.  For the negatives: I hate her wig.  I hate the weird points she’s sporting on her face; yeah, I get that she’s trying to further the whole “birth of a new race without tolerance” idea by elevating herself from humanity, but they just look off (I’m not overly pleased she wore them when accepting her first televised Grammy, but what can you do).  I don’t like the overall griminess of the video – it’s very dark (not the subject matter, just the overall visual tone) and doesn’t translate well to television.  I’m NO fan of the weird Madonna / MJ tribute she has going on at the end of the video – the tribute is lost in the “OHGOD” reaction to her, well, unattractiveness.  I think my biggest gripe, though, is the whole thing is just too weird.  My parents didn’t like it; my impression is the general public is meh about it, too.  It doesn’t help that the song has expired for me only four weeks after release.

Move on from Born This Way, Gaga.  Get to Judas.

Oh Gagaloo, you never cease to amaze me with your confidence. I found the beginning of Born This Way to be very retro chique, sort of like a 70’s movie broadcast of some sort. I especially liked the part where she birthed the machine gun (my new aspiration in life). 

I agree Matt, her body was HOT. Gaga is my new girl-crush, she looked absolutely beautiful. The only flaw: her ugly unicorn tattoo. I could barely stand her other ones, and then she goes and gets that ugly unicorn on her thigh. Also, I’m not a huge fan of the bumps on her face; the message she’s trying to convey is beautiful and I support her for it, but there are many other ways she could go about doing it that are a bit more “visually pleasing.”  The video was indeed dark, but with my background in “heavier music” and having quite a close relationship to the dark side of it, I don’t think it was that bad. I personally like it when music videos have a “dark tint” to it; it makes the video mysterious and intriguing.  As for Zombie Gaga: I laughed so hard, she was adorable. 

This video was beautiful, but it was no Bad Romance. Actually, I don’t think anything could top Bad Romance. To be honest, I’m not a big fan of the “New Gaga." I LOVED her in the ‘Fame Monster’ era. She was revolutionary back then, now I kind of feel like she just wants to push boundaries. Her overall look now, I find, is completely unattractive.

Hopefully that was everything you ever wanted and more.  Steph and I will be here all week.  But by that I mean we'll be back in two week's time.

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