Sunday, December 26, 2010


Every year, I'm brimming with excitement at the idea of going Boxing Day shopping with the money I managed to scrape up through the Christmas rigmarole; every year, as my dad navigates through over crowded parking lots, I neurotically fear for my life as though we'll end up in a head-on collision with other eager shoppers; every year, I slowly lose my excitement throughout the crowd, left behind in each store, one after the other.  I don't know why I'm always so eager to go shopping on December 26th, because it usually results in the same two things: disappointment at the lack of deals, as well as red hot anger at the stupidity of people.

Well, this year, I was in fact successful in my conquest; perhaps the switching of location - Sherway Gardens instead of Square One - gave me additional luck.  I came away with a new shirt from Guess and a fly new jacket from a store from Amsterdam called Scotch & Soda.  Success!  My crowd-clubbing payed off!

Despite being lucky with my purchases (although I can still hear my wallet weeping), one thing never changed - stupid, stupid, STUPID people.

If there's anything I hate in this world, it's people.  That may come as a shock, given that social interaction is so vital to a happiness, especially mine; however I love time alone as much as anyone else.  On a bigger scale, I hate the general public; collectively, I find that large amounts of stupid people prove to come together to make large, stupid crowds.  People are selfish, rude, obnoxious or just plain stupid, and when thrust into the narrow hallways of shopping malls rabid with the disease of blind consumerism, they prove to be the biggest frustration to press my buttons and make me fume.

Have you ever found that when two people are heading in the direction of crossing paths - specifically, you crossing in front of someone else, or even just walking in their direction - YOU are the one to shift your stance to let them by or change your footing to avoid a collision?  In all honesty, I've NEVER been in a situation where my path is unbroken, where others stepping one foot to the left to let ME by; it's always me to make sure that I'M cautious of where the other person is going.  Now take that, and amplify it by a factor of 50.  I don't think I walked a single straight line today - people walking EVERYWHERE, so rude to notice you're walking, too, or so oblivious to your presence that they collide into your bags or shoulders (it happened), and rather than offering an apology scoff at you.  In fact, today, if I had a dollar for every person I spotted walking with their eyes down looking at their cell phone, I'd have enough money to buy two more of my new jacket - and that says a lot, considering the one I got was expensive to begin with.  Jesus, is it so hard to part from your BBM for five minutes?

I also have to say: why on God's green earth would you decide to bring your decrepit grandmother who can't walk more than two miles per hour or stupid six-month old baby in their tank-sized stroller to a goddamn mall on Boxing Day?  Here's where I tread the line of being rude, but it's the honest truth; people with strollers think it's THEIR right to soldier straight through a crowd, because oh, watch out! my baby!  Well, fuck off.  You idiot yuppie parents: a stroller will NOT easily navigate through an already tightly packed store, let alone on a day like today where people are literally shoulder to shoulder staring at isle upon isle.  I will not move for you just because you need to get by, because I am here for a reason.  I will not caution myself in my own goals to make room for you and your little gargoyle who should have been left at home with a grandparent, babysitter, friend, or savage dog.  A wolf would also suffice.

Likewise, I can't stand the people who walk slow.  I realize not everyone moves at a top speed - well, that would make them all the more ridiculous, running to The Bay - and I myself keep a regulated pace, not crawling though not running, but fast enough as if to advertise "hello, I'm here to shop and do what I need to do, and it's an added bonus if I'm done with time to spare."  Relating to my mention of decrepit elderly people: why would you let them tag along if they have trouble walking?  Why inject them into a situation with people running at top speed, where their slow speed is nothing but a hindrance on everyone else?  Well, maybe I'm lying: I don't care for their well-being, if they're stupid enough to come to a busy mall on Boxing Day then oh well if the soles of my shoes happen to trample them.  Okay, that's overly harsh.  The things I say for a laugh..

I can't stand people who suddenly stop in their tracks, or form immobile groups staring incredulously at their surroundings as if they'd just been returned to Earth from their alien adventure.  If it's busy, it's likely that I'll be pressed against you heels; likewise, if you come to a complete stop because you're a stupid fuck, I'll probably hit into you out of unpreparedness for your stupid decision.

Boxing Day is just the solid representation of everything wrong with Christmas - so much so that even I am aware that I am indulgent of the craziness (I'm an aware hypocrite, commenting on my own actions and my own kind).  Our society has been brainwashed into a mode of buy buy buy, and the ideal has infected our minds like a plague, controlling us into thinking that we simply MUST take advantage of the deals at hand.  Spending for the sake of spending.

Well, anyways.  There's a whole lot of wrong with my Boxing Day escapades, but I think I've made myself comfortable with being so spiteful - or, at least, comfortable enough that I'll be back again Boxing Day 2011 feeling right at home with yelling at idiots.

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