Thursday, December 16, 2010

Christmas blues

Only now eight days away, I have yet to get into the Christmas spirit this year.

Perhaps it's due to my parents' resistance against the Christmas phenomenon - and yes, I say phenomenon, but getting into a rant about the true meaning of the holidays NOT being consumerism is a whole different story and blog post on it's own.  I won't go there.  I digress; my parents, year in and year out, always make comments about how they don't want to put up lights outside or a tree or our inside decorations.  And year in and year out, my sister and I protest their decision to the point of victory through sheer annoyance on our parts.  And so, for another year, the tree went up with great reluctance; the majority of the decorations remained boxed, aside from the stockings and tree trimmings and the occasional nutcracker; and the whole decorating process was filled with hot headed argument.  Perhaps now when I look at the tree across from me in the family room, I see a transparent representation of holiday love and cheer.

Perhaps it's because Christmas is very chopped up this year - I'm having Christmas on Saturday, the 18th.  Here's how Christmas usually works for my family: my dad's side consists of my nonna and my dad's four siblings and their kids (my cousins) and in one case, their kids too; my mom's side is my grandma and grandpa (or Nanny and Baboog, for your information.  My mom's Armenian, so that's what we call them.  Yep, I'm half Armenian, it's weird to consider given that I'm actually half Middle Eastern) plus my mom's two sisters, neither of whom have kids and only one of whom is married.  Usually, Christmas Eve is when we see my dad's side, and Christmas Day is comprised of the morning between me and my parents and sister as well as the day itself with my mom's family.  My one aunt and uncle, however, are going to Australia for a month, and are leaving Christmas Eve; therefore, to accommodate for them, we're doing the family Christmas on the 18th.  Christmas Eve is still intact, though completely devoid of anything cheery, given that presents are completely nixed; Christmas Day will still be intact, just without my aunt and uncle.  Therefore, I'm thinking this severely segmented Christmas takes away the whole magic behind it; the 18th doesn't seem like Christmas even though we're doing the whole shabang, but maybe it's me not letting myself be ignorant to the date.  You'd think more Christmas events would mean more Christmas spirit.  Nah.

Perhaps it's due to the fact that this year's Christmas seems to be a rush.  The malls have been even more packed than usual (or, it feels like it) and looking for gifts is a downright task.  Along those same lines..

Perhaps - and I'm thinking this might be the realest of all - it's because I've been now told on multiple occasions that I'm mind numbingly difficult to buy for and that it's frustrating.  My parents, in fact, are constantly reminding me they don't have anything for me; this might be because I didn't ASK for anything, because I'm completely aware that I don't NEED anything and I don't actually WANT anything (maybe it's a sign of my humbleness, or the fact that I'm comfortable with my life.  I don't know, again, beside the point).  But it's concerning - and it always has been, not confined to my parents or to this year or Christmas - that apparently I'm so frustrating to give to.  I'm not materialistic; you may think I'm judgmental, and sure, I can be, but I would never dislike a gift because it's just that - a gift (no, this isn't me just being nice - it's the honest truth, and stands unless the gift is something completely left field like women's clothing or a potted plant).  Is this apparent difficulty a sign of how much people might not actually know about me?  I would say that what I'm interested in is fairly easy to see, so it's concerning if this is the case.

I just don't know.  Maybe my mind will be changed when I start to see family or all my friends again.  Or maybe, I just need to sit down and watch a good solid block of Christmas programming, including Rudolph, Frosty, and Christmas Vacation.  For now, I'll just keep being a Scrooge.

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