Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Can I have an X?

It's my life long dream to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune.  For as long as I can remember I've watched the show, starting as a little kid and watching it with my grandma.  She still lights up when we're together around 7pm and I say, Wanna watch Wheel of Fortune? with a smile.  Last year I even applied to be a contestant, but no dice, obviously.  It's a bit farfetched, and they pick old people.

They also pick idiots.

Take, for instance, the episode I'm now viewing.  It's College Week.  This girl seems alright.  Seems smart.  Well...

The puzzle's subject was College Life, how fitting and sickeningly humourous.  I don't want to brag (bragging about guessing a Wheel of Fortune puzzle.. yeah I'm a loser.  It's a reoccurrance lately) but I figured it out after a few letters up on the board.  I've always been good with word puzzles.  This bright young female didn't get it quite as quickly, and I get it, not everyone is quick to solve.  The more she called out letters the more it became obvious that she didn't know what it was, as she called out all the letters of the last word in order.  Again, whatever.  But the puzzle now looks like this:

_ e i n _
_ r a n t e _
s c h o l a r s h i p

And what does she guess?  "Can I have a W?"  The sound in the audience only highlighted how stupid she is, as they all gasped and groaned.  YOU IDIOT.  Now I purposely didn't tell you what the puzzle was - "being granted a scholarship" - and honestly, even if you, my wonderful reader, DIDN'T know what the answer was, I'm sure you would have logically deduced that there must be a "d" at the end of the second word, and there must be a "g" at the end of the first, thereby revealing the g in "granted," also.  Even if you didn't figure out either of those letters, were lucky, or didn't know what the puzzle was, I know you knew that a "w" would not fit.  Wein_?  _einw?  Wrante_?  _rantew?

I get that there's pressure when you know you're playing for thousands of dollars and are on national television, but it gets under my skin when I know I'd slaughter my opponents if I were ever on the show, but instead have to sit back and watch stupid, stupid people.

If I were ever on the show, I'd keep spinning for maximum winnings; I wouldn't guess the puzzle when there's a huge amount of money to be made (people do that.  "Can I solve?"  No the fuck you can't.  Go make money); I'd guess letters appearing more than once when I land on high amounts on the wheel (people don't do this.  If there's clearly a multiple, and you've landed on $5000, please guess it, and don't guess the lone Z).  Above all, I'd win, and I'd look good doing it.  Until then, I'm fine with yelling at my TV.

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