Friday, October 21, 2011

Operation Tweet Me Back

I have spoken ad nauseam about the show American Horror Story as of late, and I once again really implore you to watch it because I think it's a damn good show and I promise you'll be immediately hooked - I was.  I never intended to love it as much as I do, but I honestly find myself thinking about it at all times because it's so damn creepy and so messed up and open ended that to stop watching it would be a crime.  I've been developing theories about what I've been witnessing but with every episode additional curveballs are thrown so I'm really at a loss and am entirely good with the thrill of the ride; but I digress. (WATCH IT)

One of my favourite characters is Moira, the housekeeper, who [spoiler alert] is dead.  (it's not that big of a spoiler - it's revealed that she is in the very first episode, so I'm not giving much away; in fact it's rapidly becoming my theory that at least half of the characters are dead, but that's another story..) Moira is hired by the new owners of the house, the Harmons, after explaining that she's been the housekeeper of the house for years.  She isn't malevolent or mischievous - that is, except to Ben (the father of the family).  To everyone else, Moira is an elderly woman with one blind eye; to Ben, she's.. ahem, this.

She's aggressively forced herself on Ben (a past cheater) throughout the first three episodes, as he always finds her unbuttoning her blouse or bent over scrubbing the floors in the sluttiest way possible or - kids, cover your ears - touching herself while sprawled over a couch.  The disturbing thing of the matter is that she's actually an elderly woman, so when we see her touching herself through Ben's point of view, it's in reality that old lady touching herself.  I'm to the point where I've treated them as separate characters - in fact, another character in the show (who knows about Moira's past, and a lot more - I won't spoil that) has referred to her as "you two" - so whenever Young Moira's onscreen I've distanced the chilling thoughts of the older woman.

The (younger version of the) character is sultry.  Needless to say I'm in love with her, and if I were Ben, I'd have cheated on my wife twenty thousand times more.  She's played by an actress by the name of Alexandra Breckenridge who's popped up in various television shows including most recently (and to me, most recognizably) True Blood, where she played Bill's spy on the witches coven.  She then had a pretty raunchy sex scene so it's not bizarre to see her again in one of my favourite shows playing a siren.  Well, anyways, like I said, I've been completely seduced by her.

(I will reiterate that I fancy her version of the character.  I'm sure Old Moira is a lovely woman but she's not my type and I sure as hell would not want her hanging out cleaning in her knickers)

And so we finally arrive at the point: now that I'm on Twitter (@m_spad, do it up), I'm following Ms Breckenridge, and it's my mission to be tweeted back by her because that would literally make my day, and actually, the rest of my life.  It isn't unrealistic; she doesn't have millions of followers like, say, Lady Gaga, because I know it'd be fruitless attempting to be the one out of fourteen million that Gaga would ever choose to respond to.  I'm sure this entire post makes it seem like I'm a deranged stalker sort, but I'm merely keeping my fingers crossed that she'll tweet me, because like I said that would seriously send me over the moon.  To reinforce the fact that I am not deranged: even though I've made it a "mission," I'm not going out of my way to be obsessive.  I'll merely tweet her once and a while and by publicizing it I'm sharing what is bound to be a somewhat humourous journey with you, the reader.  It's my nature: humour for humour's sake, and naturally I make things dramatic.

Anyways. We'll see how it goes.  This'll give me some sort of hope, and I maintain that the moment it happens (if ever) I might die on the spot.  And then my ghost will return to this earth a la 90% of the characters on American Horror Story (I swear, 90% of the characters are ghosts.  At least) and blog about my bliss.

Note: this has been referred to me as "that creeper stalker post" (you know who you are).  I can defend myself all I want but yes.. yes it does seem that way.

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