If I were to offer you, my reader, a dollar for every time I've started a post off with some sort of "oh golly, it's been a long time since I've posted!" ramblings, you'd probably be rich enough to buy yourself a substantial amount of alcohol that'd get you drunk enough to make bad decisions, throw up into a cup, black out and wake up someplace you don't recognize beside a stranger who's trying to make you breakfast. Add another shiny dollar to that one night stand fund I've conveniently set up for you: indeed, it has been a very long time since I've officially posted, and if one was to review my most recent postings, you'd find an abundance of pseudo-movie reviews and horrific things written while under the influence of alcohol. Perhaps my lack of creative drive is due to the fact that, since moving back home from residence and finishing my third year of university (mostly - I only have one exam left, on Monday, so I'll probably open my notes.. hm, Monday morning), I have done absolutely nothing. My days off from school, my summer officially underway, are wasting away with my computer taking alternating shifts of being open or closed while I watch the first season of 30 Rock (which I haven't entirely warmed up to, but it's very clever) or playing the first Pokemon game I can find in my house without straining myself or watching the very same shows on TV, being Arthur which is on at one - I go shower between 1:30 and 2 - then either Ellen or an hour of Friends to a rerun of Saturday Night Live and then Arthur again and by then I'm just upset with my existence. I wish I could say I'm out making memories for myself, out living up the final weeks left I have of my unofficial 'youth' before I turn twenty-one in May, but given that my friends are still here and there I just have no reason to leave the house or, honestly, to even shower. (though I usually do to escape the verbal onslaught from my parents that is, "you look like a hobo") Why, even now, I just ate a full sleeve of Ritz crackers, because I can/
Aside from my vegetative stewing, I've been on a job hunt, and until this evening, my lack of success had been something I kept myself oblivious to. I still have a job at Longo's - I think - and I say I think only because come this past August I never officially told my boss that I was leaving for the summer (let alone informing them of my possible intentions of returning) and, honestly, I didn't even work in August because I said I'd come back once I was over my bronchitis which never really happened. Not that it's a bad job whatsoever, but my preference is to not return: there's that slight awkwardness (which would disappear) about returning, there's the fact that the store had a massive renovation and I haven't actually even set foot in it since, and the fact that if I am to return - and this is now a very real reality - I need to relearn every single produce code, all of which have completely poured from my brain. Like I said, it's not my first choice to return, but I'm not complaining if it means I will be working and will be making money. (well, part of that is a lie. I am complaining)
My disappointment in my unsuccessful job search has seemingly hit me full force today. Since the end of March I've been applying to everywhere in the city, specifically places I knew were hiring - and nothing. Yesterday, I had an interview with a new video store, though it was extremely informal and was the first of three stages in the hiring process, and had I advanced to the second stage I would've received a phone call today. I thought it had gone well, though I was fairly disappointed to hear of the high amount of applicants for the low amount of positions, let alone the lengthy and strenuous hiring process I was confused to hear about. Something didn't exactly sit right with it; it might've been the fact that the store was under construction and I had to walk through people at work drilling who knows what without regard for my presence, but it was probably that my interviewer was notably fidgety as if inattentive. Didn't help that I was told that I was the last of all of the interviews. Regardless, when evening came around today, it settled with me that the call wasn't coming in for my advancement, and with that came this serious gravity about my summer job predicament and mainly frustration.
This is probably a very spoiled thing for me to say, but I think my disappointment is entirely due to the fact that I've never not gotten something I wanted - and no, I don't mean that I'm a brat and that I demand a pony from my parents. What I mean is that anything I've ever attempted before, I've achieved. Aside from yesterday, I've had one job interview in my life, and I got the job; I applied to be a don for the upcoming school year, and despite the large field of applicants and slim chance of hiring, I was hired; and so, I'm not used to failure. I suppose knowing that the excess of twenty or thirty job applications and resumes of mine floating around the city to no avail, in combination with this seemingly lucrative opportunity with the interview disappearing as quickly as it appeared, was a feeling new to me, and was a bit much for me to handle. I know I'm coming off as ungrateful especially since I actually do have a job that I'll begrudgingly be returning to (unless I get some sort of miracle interview and job offering in the next week and a half, fingers crossed and knock on wood), but I guess the feeling of knowing something I've ventured out for brought me nothing - and the knowledge that I'll return to a monotony I was happy to part with - is upsetting to me regardless. I think this calls for another sleeve of Ritz crackers, or perhaps a beer from the fridge which my dad won't notice is gone. On the flip side, it's late, I'm poor, and I could use a good few hours of sleep blissfully ignorant to the concept of employment altogether.
And if you can, hire me. Or influence somebody to. Please.