Friday, May 4, 2012

This is the end

If you were to define vegetable as you would when describing an incredibly lazy and immobile individual, you might just say "Matt" to get the point across.  My lethargy today has been fueled by starting back at work yesterday, and while it sounds petty, after eight hours my back ached, my legs burned, and my feet, stuffed into brand new shoes which I've found to be tight and without any support whatsoever, killed.  I act like I have the toughest job in the world - I certainly do not - but in comparison to sitting around for a month and not actually doing anything, working was an abrupt shift.  And that brings us to today, where I refuse to get up from the spot I've dug myself in the couch even though I'm hungry, the phone has rung a handful of times, and the remote for the TV is nowhere to be seen.

(worth mentioning: I think I'm glad to be back to work.  I hit a number I never wanted to hit in my bank account back in January, a number I set out to never fall below, and since that failure I've essentially matched everything I spent in first semester to put me way below that sadness number; in that sense knowing I have twenty-two hours this week [as well as promise from my boss/the schedule makers to give me plenty of hours] puts me at ease and hopefully that balance will grow again.  A lot of my coworkers were glad to see me return, and I was similarly glad to meet the new ones, and within seconds my fears about not remembering codes or procedures or being lost in a newly renovated store vanished and I became this scary smiling forcibly upbeat Matt to customers that I hope you'll never meet)

On Wednesday I registered for my last? year of university.  And I say last? because today brought about this newfound fuckery which has made me obscenely stressed out currently, and given that I refuse to move, do anything, or think, I'm fixating on this new wrinkle of my upcoming year.

Here's the basics: I'm majoring in English.  Check.  At my school the English major program involves at least 7.0 credits, at least two at the 300-level (or higher), and it involves five subcategories within as breadth requirements.  Going into my fourth year, I have 5.5, so that left me with picking Contemporary American Literature, a full year course, and something called Literature and Exile which is literally the only thing that fits into my schedule, so I'll suck it up for a semester.  One of my minors, Professional Writing & Communication, is beyond straightforward: one half credit, a 200-level introductory course, then free reign to fill 3.5 credits with higher level writing courses or courses deemed 'writing intensive,' but to get around that I'm just taking five writing courses (I have 1.5 credits already) just to round out the minor.

That leaves my last minor, Cinema Studies, which brings about the worst problems.  I have 1.5 credits left to complete for this, so it might seem like it's easy.  The problems with this minor are as such: firstly, since I've been a part of it, it's been changing every year, with courses and prerequisites and requirements undergoing alterations; second, the minor is a big umbrella over a ton of courses, so there's only a select few that are officially given the CIN- tag - instead, you might take courses like Italian Cinema (officially part of the Italian program), or French, or even Drama as I will be this year, etc; third, of the only seven courses offered this upcoming year that will count towards the minor, three overlap, one isn't offered in English, and one is at a higher level where I don't have prerequisites.  Essentially, I'm fucked.

What I ended up figuring out was I'd take three, all half courses, the only three that don't overlap with one another: a Cinema course, a Drama course called From Stage to Screen (awesome!), and a secondary French Cinema course that builds upon the one I've already taken this year.  I am not exaggerating: these three are the only three that work, both with my schedule and with each other.  Well, looks like French Cinema is now only offered in French.  [insert one big 'eff you' to the French here] Upon this horrible discovery I've sent off an email to the program coordinator asking to be put into the 400-level course which thankfully doesn't overlap with anything else, but my issue is of course I don't have the courses needed to take it.  If I don't get into that class, then I'm royally screwed, and I'll have to return for another semester to obtain the final half credit I'll end up being short.  Fingers crossed this professor takes pity - after all, the course description itself does say permission of instructor will count - but I'm fairly certain the email I wrote was pitiful and therefore I'll be staying away from my email account for a little while.

(I don't know why I get this anxiety about sending emails, but I do, and I always have; I avoid that (1) for as long as I can because I think, for some reason, I'm being yelled at, or judged.  Or targeted for assassination)

This got me thinking about my future.  My plan, for as long as I can remember, was to be completely finished with my undergraduate degree in four years, and recently I've decided I will be continuing onto a graduate program (granted I get in, knock on wood) after that.  To come back for another year to take just one class will absolutely kill me; it'll throw a wrench in my plan, not to mention I'll probably be forever pissed off.  I guess, though, if I end up failing my G test until my license expires, my possible return to school will coincide with my newly stunted driver's license, so I'll just be this massive mesh of delay.  Because I've forced myself to be slightly optimistic, I thought that if I were to have to return, I could switch into the English specialist program (rather than major), which would involve taking three more credits - that would keep me busy, and make my time worthwhile.

To be perfectly honest, when I began writing this I fully intended this post to be some sort of future philosophy about what I could see myself doing with my life in five years: graduate school, maybe further; traveling?; moving out permanently, maybe; and as much as I planned to write about all that, I also figured that I might talk about how excited I actually am to return to school and to have the unmatchable experience of being a residence don and all that, but this new hiccup with my courses, inevitable as it was, has put me in a horrible funk.

At least I'm seeing The Avengers tonight.*

*without a university degree, or a full license.

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