Operation Tweet Me Back

I have spoken ad nauseam about the show American Horror Story as of late, and I once again really implore you to watch it because I think it's a damn good show and I promise you'll be immediately hooked - I was.  I never intended to love it as much as I do, but I honestly find myself thinking about it at all times because it's so damn creepy and so messed up and open ended that to stop watching it would be a crime.  I've been developing theories about what I've been witnessing but with every episode additional curveballs are thrown so I'm really at a loss and am entirely good with the thrill of the ride; but I digress. (WATCH IT)

One of my favourite characters is Moira, the housekeeper, who [spoiler alert] is dead.  (it's not that big of a spoiler - it's revealed that she is in the very first episode, so I'm not giving much away; in fact it's rapidly becoming my theory that at least half of the characters are dead, but that's another story..) Moira is hired by the new owners of the house, the Harmons, after explaining that she's been the housekeeper of the house for years.  She isn't malevolent or mischievous - that is, except to Ben (the father of the family).  To everyone else, Moira is an elderly woman with one blind eye; to Ben, she's.. ahem, this.

She's aggressively forced herself on Ben (a past cheater) throughout the first three episodes, as he always finds her unbuttoning her blouse or bent over scrubbing the floors in the sluttiest way possible or - kids, cover your ears - touching herself while sprawled over a couch.  The disturbing thing of the matter is that she's actually an elderly woman, so when we see her touching herself through Ben's point of view, it's in reality that old lady touching herself.  I'm to the point where I've treated them as separate characters - in fact, another character in the show (who knows about Moira's past, and a lot more - I won't spoil that) has referred to her as "you two" - so whenever Young Moira's onscreen I've distanced the chilling thoughts of the older woman.

The (younger version of the) character is sultry.  Needless to say I'm in love with her, and if I were Ben, I'd have cheated on my wife twenty thousand times more.  She's played by an actress by the name of Alexandra Breckenridge who's popped up in various television shows including most recently (and to me, most recognizably) True Blood, where she played Bill's spy on the witches coven.  She then had a pretty raunchy sex scene so it's not bizarre to see her again in one of my favourite shows playing a siren.  Well, anyways, like I said, I've been completely seduced by her.

(I will reiterate that I fancy her version of the character.  I'm sure Old Moira is a lovely woman but she's not my type and I sure as hell would not want her hanging out cleaning in her knickers)

And so we finally arrive at the point: now that I'm on Twitter (@m_spad, do it up), I'm following Ms Breckenridge, and it's my mission to be tweeted back by her because that would literally make my day, and actually, the rest of my life.  It isn't unrealistic; she doesn't have millions of followers like, say, Lady Gaga, because I know it'd be fruitless attempting to be the one out of fourteen million that Gaga would ever choose to respond to.  I'm sure this entire post makes it seem like I'm a deranged stalker sort, but I'm merely keeping my fingers crossed that she'll tweet me, because like I said that would seriously send me over the moon.  To reinforce the fact that I am not deranged: even though I've made it a "mission," I'm not going out of my way to be obsessive.  I'll merely tweet her once and a while and by publicizing it I'm sharing what is bound to be a somewhat humourous journey with you, the reader.  It's my nature: humour for humour's sake, and naturally I make things dramatic.

Anyways. We'll see how it goes.  This'll give me some sort of hope, and I maintain that the moment it happens (if ever) I might die on the spot.  And then my ghost will return to this earth a la 90% of the characters on American Horror Story (I swear, 90% of the characters are ghosts.  At least) and blog about my bliss.

Note: this has been referred to me as "that creeper stalker post" (you know who you are).  I can defend myself all I want but yes.. yes it does seem that way.

Rest in pieces

I enjoy horror movies to some extent.  As we all may know, I'm a coward, no doubt a result of watching too many episodes of Criminal Minds.  With that in mind, I enjoy horror movies that cross the line of unbelievability - I don't cower at something like a burnt monster with blade fingers who haunts your dreams, nor do I fear a hulking man in a hockey mask breaking down my door with a machete, simply because it'll never happen.  That doesn't completely exempt realistic horror movies, either, since things like Scream doesn't bother me, and I can't think of something more "realistic" than a (physically beatable) psychopath running around in a mask with a knife.  The things that do bother me, though, are things like the Exorcist or things dealing with the paranormal: okay, sure, not possible in real life, but they maintain a level of believability which gives me the chills.

You can't have a good scary movie without gore.  Beyond horror films, gory violence is a largely prevalent factor in action movies - I would know, my favourite movie ever is Kill Bill.  Why, then, is gore necessary?

(On a similar point, though partially a digression: crime shows.  Flip on the television at 8pm and you're either watching Glee, a reality show, or, more likely, a crime drama.  Why is it that everyone is obsessed with watching television shows with realistic crimes, bloated and bloody bodies, and cop shoot-outs?  Who knows.  Maybe it's gratifying to witness justice in a world sometimes devoid of some - who knows)

It's distressing to think of the general audience as obsessed with bloody violence and gory deaths onscreen, but it's undeniable.  Horror movies attempt to outdo each other by creating unrealistic, over-the-top gory ends to their characters - I think of, for example, Final Destination, a series based completely around the idea of disgusting death, or perhaps the Saw franchise, once great (and I use the term "great" liberally given that the first was marginally good and shocking but the rest are just freaking ridiculous) but now nothing more than "torture porn."  Don't get me started on the Saw movies.  (I'm gonna go off anyways.  I really can't believe the studio churned out sequel after sequel with more elaborate and disgusting deaths.  Even if you're a fan, it's chilling to think of the creative process: "guys, I know!  Let's throw a girl into a pit of needles!" "No, no, let's put a guy on a cross device that twists every segment of his body in a different direction!" "Excellent idea!  You're promoted."  That's disgusting)

I fail to come up with an answer as to why people are obsessed with violence and death.  I could argue that it comes down to everyone's obsession in the extreme: nobody wants to see a tame action movie, for example, they all want to see an entire city blown up by robots while a brainless female runs out of the explosion in slow motion.  Nobody wants to see a person in a horror movie have a heart palpitation out of fear (goddamn it, I would if Ghostface was after me), they want to see a prolonged chase sequence where the female victim just barely gets away before the killer reappears and drives a knife into her stomach or fake rack.  I suppose, then, a society already consumed in the extreme, a natural extension of said consumption is to want to see it onscreen.

Perhaps, though, a better reason for the obsession with bloody death, is the idea of indulgence.  I'm a firm believer that everyone is capable of the most unspeakable evils possible; it just comes down to heart, and whether or not a person acts on it.  I could very possibly kill someone, it sickens me to think, but I could.  (Let's please not take that the wrong way, I'm kidding)  Everything is possible.  In that sense, then, perhaps watching bloody offings onscreen is indulgence on behalf of the audience's "dark side."

I'm truly unsure as to why audiences are obsessed with this, though.  Maybe it's just for the thrill of watching something so horrifying; maybe it's for an unconscious reaffirmation of security, knowing that, in your moderately comfortable theater seat, you're safe from the crazed killer and that would never happen to you in your life.  I don't have an answer, it's merely speculation.

I am, though, sitting in eager anticipation for Scream 5.

Sweet girl

This semi movie review of Black Swan has been inevitable, given that I've been unsuccessful in getting the movie out of my head since seeing it on Sunday night.

I don't really know where to start.  I guess I'll say that it was a very, very well done movie brimming with eerie good performances.  I'm more than certain that this year's winner of the Best Actress Oscar will be Natalie Portman who convincingly portrays an innocent ballerina who is driven slowly to insanity in her pursuit of perfection.  Given the pattern already in the nominations for the Golden Globes or SAG Awards, it also looks like Mila Kunis will at least be nominated for Best Supporting Actress; while she was good, she wasn't amazing by any means - or, at least, not when compared to Winona Ryder as a disturbed ballerina fallen from her prime or Barbara Hershey (who I was compelled to look up after seeing the movie) as Natalie Portman's frightening mother.  Mila Kunis has come a long way since That 70's Show, though, and I'm a fan.

I also need to note that - at least to me - the movie was falsely advertised; when it comes down to it, it was largely a horror film.  Here's what I saw it as in the trailers: a movie about the competition between two ballerinas for the lead in the company production with psychological thriller aspects.  Oh yes, the thriller is still intact; what I was shocked to find was that the competition between the two - Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis - is nearly non-existent, and that the central conflict is an internal one in Portman's Nina.  Nina's obsession with perfection is what manifests the idea of Kunis' Lily as trying to sabotage her; Nina sees small instances of disturbance as treachery (such as, for example, Lily coming in late to an audition and slamming the door causing Nina to lose balance while dancing) and soon begins to lose herself in the idea that Lily, along with others, are out to get her.  I wish that the movie WAS more about rivalry, but I feel that my surprise to the more internal insanity had me all the more invested.

If anything to describe my experience of this movie, I'll use a list of words: unsettling, uncomfortable, shocking, disturbing.  Like I said, the movie felt like a horror movie; there was an overall backdrop of some foreboding presence over the entire movie, and I constantly had my guard up as I figured something was bound to happen or pop up.  Towards the end of the movie at the height of the protagonist's decent was where I was curled in my seat half covering my eyes; instance after instance had me jumping a good five feet from my seated position causing my heart to skip and pound.  By that point, I guess, the constant whispering noises throughout the movie up until that point were taking their toll on me (neat trick.  Nina hears voices everywhere, and upon coming home after the movie late at night, I was sure I did to, my mind replaying the laughter and whispering and projecting them into what I thought was real life lurking in the corners of my house).  I'll forever be haunted by the image of a character's sudden and downright terrifying self mutilation, as well as the apparition of that character in another's kitchen after whispering "sweet girl" from the darkness.  I get shivers thinking about it.

Aside from the suspense, I found the movie was considerably gory, though not in the sense of a slasher film like Friday the 13th or Saw; instead, we were given long lasting shots of realistic, disgusting injuries, as Nina's nails constantly bleed (leading to something DISGUSTING), for example, or her "rash."  I much preferred the style of gore presented in this movie; I'm far more affected and unnerved by cracked bleeding nails or bones breaking than I am when I see a stupid horror movie character get stabbed comically.

As I said, I can't stop thinking about the movie; I can't stop thinking about the disturbing images, but mostly, I'm still sorting out what was real and what wasn't.  The audience is subjected to these confusing instances - including sex and murder - and we're left to decide whether it actually happened or if it was in the confines of Nina's mind.  If anything, I'll say that the movie is one big metaphor.  You'll see what I mean when and if you ever watch it (or if you already have), specifically in things like the feathers.

If you think you can stomach it, I highly, highly recommend the movie; in fact, I've already decided that I need to see it again eventually to straighten things out in my mind about what's shown.